Never In This Life
by YaoiFanGirl1990
Summary: SasuIta story but it's very sad i don't have a summary for it really rated M for Suicide
1. Chapter 1

Summary: He finally gives up on everything since he couldn't have who he wanted, since he'd been rejected for reasons he didn't know why.

I sat on the rock watching Naruto teach something to Sakura, probably some cool technique he only wanted to show her. It's been a few years now since I was dragged back to Konoha by the blond dobe. But I guess I don't have any room to say that…I was the dumbass who left Konoha in the first place to chase a wild dream I knew would never come true. I told everyone my one and only goal in life was to avenge my family by killing my brother one day, but what I didn't realize with all the happy memories we had shared I cam to enjoy them better than anything else. I have fallen in love with my brother; with my own flesh and blood. So far only Naruto knows and he doesn't care, if I were to tell Sakura it would break her heart and I couldn't do that. I couldn't hurt again not like that at least. I told them they should have left me; I should have stayed gone

_In my dreams there's a place without war  
No more guns no more pain no more hurt  
It's a world full of joy without sadness  
People sing people dance with all happiness_

"_Hey teme_!" I heard Naruto shout and looked up to see him and Sakura walk up to me.

"Hey Sasuke-Kun is everything alright you seem a bit trouble?" Sakura asked sitting next to me looking at me with those big jade of hers with worry. I hated when she did that it didn't suit her to worry.

"I'm fine…Just a bit tired is all." I replied looking ahead of me. I have become a little with drawn from everyone except my team mates lately. I didn't want to be near anyone else.

"I heard that you had a crush on someone." Sakura suddenly said making it sound like a guessing game.

"Huh? Who told you that I wander?!" I hissed looking to Naruto harshly.

"Hey, hey no fighting; I don't care Sasuke as long as you're happy. Go to your brother tell him how you feel." Sakura said taking my hands into hers.

"But wouldn't ya'll…" I began but she placed her finger on my lips smiling a pure smile that I knew was not even close to being fake.

"I'll wait for you to return to us. I trust one day you will. Come back if you need any help." She said standing up and walked off. I watched her retreating form before standing up facing Naruto holding my fist out. Naruto smiled his wide grin and tapped my fist with his and I smiled a small grace smile back.

"Hurry back alright Sasuke?" He said and I nodded jumping off to my apartment gathering some supplies before rushing out of the village heading towards River Country.

_Take me to my dream  
Love is everything  
Where there is no war  
And then children sing  
Love is all around  
It's the only thing  
In a dream that must come true_

It took me about a week before I reached where I wanted to be. The whole time while traveling I concentrated on what I was going to say to Itachi but I've yet to figure it out. I guess I'll have to say what flows out…if I don't faint first that is. It was raining in the small village I had reached and I wasn't surprised the country name didn't lie. It wasn't long until I found an inn to stay in. I was glad I'd wait until morning to look for my brother. I threw my bag onto the bed before walking out the balcony which was thankfully covered by the balcony above so it prevented me from getting wet. I sighed wandering how was I ever going to find Itachi in a place like this.

"_OI KISAME WAIT FOR US!_" I heard some scream from out in the hall and from the sound of it they were going next door. And now that I think about the name Kisame sounds oddly familiar. I shrugged and walked back into the room lying on the bed curled into a ball. I knew I was going to be rejected and the thought hurt and I began crying; unknowingly I was crying out loud. I didn't care or anything it just hurt to think about that. I was snapped out of my thoughts by the sound of the door being knocked on. I sat up and wiped my eyes from the tears.

"_I'm coming!"_ I shouted hoarsely standing up fixing my clothes noticing it was dark outside. By how dark it was I guess the sun had just set. I sighed and walked over to the unlocking all the locks opening to see a person with long blonde hair and a blue eyes…well his left eye was covered by his hair. He stood there smiling at me.

"Um can I help you?" I asked really not in the mood.

"Oh um my friends and I heard you crying next door, yea, and I waltzed right over to see if everything was alright un." The supposed guy as I could tell from his voice said.

"Yea I'm fine just had a long day of traveling. The heat got to me." I lied, I didn't need some transvestite looking bastard getting into my business.

"Okay…You know you look like one of my friends un!" The guy chirped.

"How so uh?" I asked, I didn't know his name so I used uh for it and he had a speaking disability as it sounds with the un's.

"Oh I'm Deidara, yea, well you see you look like my friend Uchiha Itachi…You wouldn't know him either would you?" He asked then it hit me this guy knew my brother, but I decided to lie. I knew I couldn't do this anymore.

"No I don't know him. Now if you can excuse me." I said about to cry shutting the door locking it before leaning my back against it. I covered my mouth to keep the sobs from being heard and slid down the door. I couldn't do this anymore.

"You know, un, your not a very good liar." I heard Deidara say from the other side of the door. I wanted him to go away before my brother came out and I knew I would break.

"Please go away…I'm just fine! I don't need help." I said crying harder choking on myself.

"No you're not yea. Do you some how know Itachi? Were you one of his old lovers?" He asked and that's when I broke down into hysterics. I knew it…I just knew it.

"Kid…Hey kid you alright?" Deidara kept asking.

"DEIDARA!" I went quiet and froze at the sound of my brothers voice.

"Yes Itachi-Kun???" Deidara chimed, and it took all of my will power to keep from making a sound.

"Stop harassing the person." Itachi said walking to next to Deidara.

"But that kid looks like you and is in real deep depression he looks like…" And Deidara began explaining to my brother of what I looked like and I cringed.

"Go inside Deidara…NOW!" Itachi hissed and the blond quickly complied. Everything was quiet and I hoped for him to be gone and I believed it so.

"Sasuke…I know you can hear me. Now open this door." Itachi suddenly said, and stiffened and obeyed drying the tears from eyes with the back of my sleeve then opened the door. His stern look soon softened after he sighed.

"Why are you here?" He asked, I looked down searching for the words but couldn't.

"I-I don't know Itachi-San." I replied.

"You do know! And what's with this san crap! I thought I gave you specific orders to hate me, detest me. Grow stronger so one day you could kill me!" Itachi pushed and I snapped.

"I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE! I try and I try to hate you to tell myself it is my utmost goal to kill you, but…but I can't the more I say I hate the more I come to…to….to…"I couldn't say it, he was right her standing in front of me and I couldn't say it.

"To do what Sasuke, TO TELL ME WHAT!" He yelled, grabbing the collar of my shirt starring down at me angrily, I winced and began trying to cower away.

"ANSWER ME GOD DAMN IT!" He yelled again.

"The more I came to love you…Not as an older brother but as something more." I said but was then shoved back wards into my room landing on my right shoulder.

"You don't know what love even is Sasuke. Get it out of your head. I don't love you. Now get out of her before you get hurt! GO!" He yelled then stormed off back into the room next door I used my feet to shut the door not caring if it was locked or anything and crawled to the bed completely broke down in tears.

_In my dreams there's a place where it's clean  
No more waste in the air and the sea  
So this place will be pure and all healthy  
You can live your life in heaven_

It was a couple hours later when I heard the door open and some one walked over to me sitting down then hugged me. I knew it wasn't Itachi, but Deidara just by the smell and the gentleness.

"Everything will be alright. You'll see, you'll find someone new." Deidara said trying to comfort me.

"Some people just don't know how to let people down without hurting their feelings." He said, I felt his head turned to where he was staring out the door. I knew he was starring at Itachi cause I heard him grunt then walk off.

"I got to go now to." He said ruffling my hair before getting up and leaving.

"Deidara…Can you give him this? But wait until tomorrow around noon. Please don't read it." I said handing him something I had been clutching to then grabbed my bag walking out.

"Where are you going now kid?" He asked and I smiled sadly to myself.

"I'm going back home." I said and left.

_Take me to my dream  
Love is everything  
Where there is no war  
And then children sing  
Love is all around  
It's the only thing  
In a dream that must come true  
_

I walked through the forest even when the sun came up my eyes had finally lost their spark and I decided. It's time to end everything I used to know and start something new. Around noon was when I began running again since I wasn't far from Konoha. I knew it wouldn't be long until Itachi read that note. When I reached the gates I walked in normally seeing Sakura and Naruto not far up ahead. They spotted me instantly and ran over.

"So how'd it go Sasuke-Kun?!" Naruto asked but then went quiet, Sakura went instantly worried.

"Sasuke-Kun what's wrong? What happened?" She asked cupping my cheeks with her hands to hide that I was crying now.

"He rejected me…in…in the worst way possible! I knew this was going to happen!" I said hugging her laying my forehead on her shoulder.

"Oh Sasuke…I'm so sorry if I knew this was going to happen then I wou…" She began but I covered her mouth with my hand smiling sadly at her tears coming from my eyes.

"It's not your fault…Please don't say anything like that…I'm going home now. I want to be alone okay." I said and walked off leaving my two best friends behind going to my apartment making sure the door was locked and the drapes were pulled shut.

_But I know it's just a dream  
Will it ever change this life?  
Hope one day it'll turn around  
Into the place that I dream about_

It was night time now and I stood starring at my reflection in the mirror then looked down at the kunai I had placed on the sink and grabbed it. I wasn't wearing anything but my black boxers and sighed. I turned around and walked into the living room slash bed room looking around and walked to the desk I had looking down at the picture; I laid it flat on its back where the picture was looking up the ceiling and stabbed it using my hands to rip the glass out pulling the picture out with bloody hands the kunai had landed right through my face and I smiled another sad smile. I dropped the picture and watched as it fell to the floor going back to the restroom tears running down my cheeks and mouthed I'm sorry everyone and jammed the kunai into my heart falling to the floor as everything went black

_Take me to this dream  
Love is everything  
Where there is no war  
And the children sing  
Love is all around  
It's the only thing  
In a dream that must come true_

Itachi ran into Konoha ignoring the ninja's at the front and stopped abruptly when Sakura appeared in front of him glaring. He was in a hurry he didn't have time for this.

"MOVE!" He shouted but was then slapped.

"Do you know how broken he was after you rejected him?!" She snapped at me and I grabbed her shoulders.

"I know I don't have read this and you'll see!" Itachi rushed pushing the note my brother wrote into her chest and took off running. Sakura read then took off after Itachi with horror filled eyes. Itachi was way ahead of her so he reached the apartment way before she did. Itachi got in seeing how dark it was except for the bathroom light. He shut the door behind him. As got in he noticed the picture and glass on the floor and froze fear filling him as he unwontedly went into the bathroom. Itachi froze tears falling from his eyes when he entered the bathroom. Sasuke laid on the floor blood all around him and a kunai in his chest.

"Sasuke…SASUKE!" Itachi yelled rushing to the boys side pulling the kunai carefully out after he heard Sakura scream. He placed the knife on the floor and hugged the young Uchiha crying.

"You foolish, foolish, FOOLISH little brother…Why'd you have to do this to me?! I DIDN'T MEAN IT! I didn't want you to be caught in what I was in…Why'd you do this…Sasuke…Come back…Sasuke." Itachi cried burying his face into the crook of his brothers neck as Tsunadae, Naruto and Kakashi ran in. Naruto froze and was caught by Kakashi when he collapsed from the shock. Sakura was outside in the hall crying into Ino who had ran up from the scream. Tsunadae looked down cursing for being too late.

The next day everyone stood in the pouring rain for Sasuke's funeral looking at the memorial. Cries could be heard from everyone. Deidara and Kisame had come to be with Itachi who was far from sane at the moment. Deidara began blaming himself for not giving the note to Itachi sooner, he should have sensed it wasn't a good not. Kisame just stood there and stayed silent. Long after everyone had left Itachi stayed looking at the picture of his brother falling to his knees crying and hugging himself.

'I'm so sorry Sasuke! I did this to you…I KILLED YOU!' Itachi thought crying until he fell to his back looking up at the sky as the rain fell. He felt broken and empty inside.

'_I'm sorry Itachi._' Was all that was heard on the wind before Itachi blacked out from lack of sleep and an empty stomach

'_I know you said you didn't love me and I should get it out of my head. Well, I'm sorry but that won't be happening. I won't be able to get my love for you out of my head Itachi. I love you too much to go back now and I'm sorry. By the time you get this don't bother coming for me, because by the time you reach me it'll be too late and I won't exist anymore. I'm sorry for doing this to you, but I won't ever be able to get myself to kill you no matter how many times I tell myself I hate you, it'll just back fire on me and I'll just end up keep loving you. I apologize again for putting you into this kind of position, but I guess this is time for goodbye and I'm sorry._

_-Love Uchiha Sasuke' _

I'm sorry for the sad story I really am! Comment and tell me how you think about it. The lyrics are 'My Dream' By DHT


	2. Author's Note

Hey guys it has certainly been a while that is FOR SURE lol xD. Well I have finally decided I'm putting some of my newer stories on hold and I am going to start editing some of my old ones and revising them since so much knowledge has progressed in the anime/manga so here are the list of stories that will be getting redone

Bless The Broken Road (Seriously needs it!)

Unsuspected Love

Deidara Breaking Away (Will be Changed to just breaking away)

Drowning

Unforgiven

Being Here When You're not (Sequel to Drowning)

Horror Filled Eyes (Might need help with this one)

Dead Silence (Still don't know how this one is related to the movie)

Consequences of Being Alone (Need help with)

Stand My Ground

Like We're dying

The Next list of stories are ones that are up for adoption. You must email me at teentitanterra1990 if you wish to adopt the story.

Kiss

Caged Bird

The rest I just need to figure out if I want to continue or put it up for adoptiong BLEH I dunno I have too many unfinished. If there is any of my stories not on the either lis that you want to adopt email me about it and I will decide from there LOL xD.


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